You know how hard it is to find a TRULY unique gift. Well, now you’ve found one. Representing some of the finest, most outrageous entertainment you’ll ever find for pocket change. You’ll receive ten (10) copies (3 copies when ordering full page format, or 2 copies of the “whole newspaper” selection). You do NOT have to supply your photo (same price either way). The backs of each article are covered in generic, unrelated text to complete the look and feel of absolute authenticity. “Pocket clippings” are printed on 36 x 36 inch pallet sheets of newsprint, then torn from the sheet to look as though they’re torn from a real newspaper—which they are! Other formats are printed life-size on individual sheets. Our articles will fool virtually anyone. You’ll keep these for years in scrapbooks and picture albums, you’ll send them to relatives, friends, co-workers, ex-friends and victims, and you’ll never again have so much fun for lunch money!
Know Someone with their Head Up Their Ass?
Know a guy who has his head firmly stuck up his ass? Of course you do. We all know a few. Send ’em the gift that keeps on giving.
|Fake/Joke Newspaper Article Text — Copyright © 2007 TrixiePixGraphics|
|Medical Science Insists Feat is Impossible, but “Seeing is Believing” |
Man to Register Talent with Guinness”I’ve wanted to be able to put my head up my ass all my life!”
Yourtown—- (NOTICE: Any names of towns, locations, people, institutions, etc., used in these sample fake newspaper stories, are purely fictional, chosen at random, and are not meant to portray or represent any real person, place or deed. Remember that no matter what name a writer chooses to use in any fictional story, there is a real person (or many persons) SOMEWHERE who have that exact name.)A local man, Casey Jones, says he has perfected a talent, the pursuit of which has consumed him all his life. Mr. Jones plans to market his odd skill to various entertainment fields, and will be formally registered with “Guinness Corporation” next month.”The title of the record Mr. Jones will attempt to set has not yet been decided upon. The feat itself is self explanatory,” said Guinness spokesperson, Emily Carter.Mr. Jones has undergone seventeen surgeries over ten years in order to adapt his body to be able to accomplish the stunt. He claims the procedures were expensive and painful, “but it was more than worth it. This is the fulfillment of a dream,” insisted Casey.Doctors have almost unanimously denounced the practice, “the dangers of which should be self evident,” warned Clifton Essent, M.D. “I can’t imagine the man can ever have an normal bowel movement again. And let’s examine the sanitary ramifications.”Jones counters by saying, “My bowel movements are none of anyone’s business. For the record, though, I haven’t suffered from constipation for years.” When asked about sanitary concerns, Casey shrugged and replied, “Hey! I don’t open my mouth in there! And I never try to look around.”Jones will appear on David Letterman next week. It’s unclear if he’ll be allowed to “perform”.
See ‘Assholes, an American Tradition’ Page D-3
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Whole Size $39.95, (Whole Newspaper With Headline), 23×27 inches, 2 identical copies
Whole Size $87.50, (Whole Newspaper With Headline), 23×27 inches, 5 identical copies
Whole Size $199.00, (Whole Newspaper With Headline), 23×27 inches, 12 identical copies
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