You know how hard it is to find a TRULY unique gift. Well, now you’ve found one. Representing some of the finest, most outrageous entertainment you’ll ever find for pocket change. You’ll receive ten (10) copies (3 copies when ordering full page format, or 2 copies of the “whole newspaper” selection). You do NOT have to supply your photo (same price either way). The backs of each article are covered in generic, unrelated text to complete the look and feel of absolute authenticity. “Pocket clippings” are printed on 36 x 36 inch pallet sheets of newsprint, then torn from the sheet to look as though they’re torn from a real newspaper—which they are! Other formats are printed life-size on individual sheets. Our articles will fool virtually anyone. You’ll keep these for years in scrapbooks and picture albums, you’ll send them to relatives, friends, co-workers, ex-friends and victims, and you’ll never again have so much fun for lunch money!
Know Someone with their Head Up Their Ass?
Know a guy who has his head firmly stuck up his ass? Of course you do. We all know a few. Send ’em the gift that keeps on giving.
|Fake/Joke Newspaper Article Text — Copyright © 2007 TrixiePixGraphics|
|Medical Science Insists Feat is Impossible, but “Seeing is Believing” |
Man to Register Talent with Guinness”I’ve wanted to be able to put my head up my ass all my life!”
Yourtown—- (NOTICE: Any names of towns, locations, people, institutions, etc., used in these sample fake newspaper stories, are purely fictional, chosen at random, and are not meant to portray or represent any real person, place or deed. Remember that no matter what name a writer chooses to use in any fictional story, there is a real person (or many persons) SOMEWHERE who have that exact name.)A local man, Casey Jones, says he has perfected a talent, the pursuit of which has consumed him all his life. Mr. Jones plans to market his odd skill to various entertainment fields, and will be formally registered with “Guinness Corporation” next month.”The title of the record Mr. Jones will attempt to set has not yet been decided upon. The feat itself is self explanatory,” said Guinness spokesperson, Emily Carter.Mr. Jones has undergone seventeen surgeries over ten years in order to adapt his body to be able to accomplish the stunt. He claims the procedures were expensive and painful, “but it was more than worth it. This is the fulfillment of a dream,” insisted Casey.Doctors have almost unanimously denounced the practice, “the dangers of which should be self evident,” warned Clifton Essent, M.D. “I can’t imagine the man can ever have an normal bowel movement again. And let’s examine the sanitary ramifications.”Jones counters by saying, “My bowel movements are none of anyone’s business. For the record, though, I haven’t suffered from constipation for years.” When asked about sanitary concerns, Casey shrugged and replied, “Hey! I don’t open my mouth in there! And I never try to look around.”Jones will appear on David Letterman next week. It’s unclear if he’ll be allowed to “perform”.
See ‘Assholes, an American Tradition’ Page D-3
View NEXT Fake Newspaper
Personalize and SUBMIT the form.
Then click “CONTINUE” to go to the payment page.
Follow the flow through the Shopping Cart check-out.
To make corrections please submit a new form. Once
your new form has been submitted, you’re done. DO NOT
go through the payment process again unless to wish to
pay for and receive additional newspapers.
To create your own story from scratch,
using your own main image, please
click HERE instead of using this form.
Volume Discounts are available during checkout
Whole Size $39.95, (Whole Newspaper With Headline), 23×27 inches, 2 identical copies
Whole Size $87.50, (Whole Newspaper With Headline), 23×27 inches, 5 identical copies
Whole Size $199.00, (Whole Newspaper With Headline), 23×27 inches, 12 identical copies
Whole Size $600.00, (Whole Newspaper With Headline), 23×27 inches, 50 identical copies
Small Pocket Clippings $17.95, No headline, 6×9 inches, identical 10 copies
Small Pocket Clippings $45.00, No headline, 6×9 inches, 30 identical copies
Full Page $24.95, (half sheet), No Headline, 13×23 inches, 4 identical copies
Full Page $67.85, (half sheet), No Headline, 13×23 inches, 8 identical copies
Full Page $146.95, (half sheet), No Headline, 13×23 inches, 21 identical copies
Poster Size $49.95, With Headline, 42×75 inches, 1 copy
Poster Size $217.95, With Headline, 42×75 inches, 5 identical copies
Tabloid Size $29.95, With Headline, 13×21 inches, 4 identical copies
For “Bulk” Advertising Fake News Clips, Go Here
Or….choose from three OTHER options:
Write your own personalized newspapers from scratch (from $17.95)
Write your own story in your own words and upload any pictures you like (or none at all).
Create your own complete newspaper page using the page-layout software of your
choice, then upload that page to us and we’ll modify it to print as a newspaper.
Many fake newspaper stories/articles are available as a pre-written selection which
cannot be modified to suit. More are added almost daily. We have a HUGE backlog
of archived and unfinished stories (many hundreds).
Whole Size is a two-sheet, eight-page WHOLE newspaper WITH HEADLINE
Poster Size is HUGE, printed on stiffer poster stock; one page WITH HEADLINE
Small Size is SMALL — roughly a 6 x 9 inch “Pocket Clipping” with NO HEADLINE
Tabloid is tabloid sized, smaller than the Enquirer; one sheet, two pages each WITH HEADLINE
Full size is one full page, NOT one full SHEET; it’s an INSIDE half-sheet page with NO HEADLINE
We accept: American Express, Master Card, Visa, Discover
Fill out the following information and click ‘Submit’.
Delete any unwanted text in any field
Type NONE in any fields you want left blank
View Size and Format Options Here