Fake/Joke Newspaper Article C-39

You know how hard it is to find a TRULY unique gift. Well, now you’ve found one. Representing some of the finest, most outrageous entertainment you’ll ever find for pocket change. You’ll receive ten (10) copies (3 copies when ordering full page format, or 2 copies of the “whole newspaper” selection). You do NOT have to supply your photo (same price either way). The backs of each article are covered in generic, unrelated text to complete the look and feel of absolute authenticity. “Pocket clippings” are printed on 36 x 36 inch pallet sheets of newsprint, then torn from the sheet to look as though they’re torn from a real newspaper—which they are! Other formats are printed life-size on individual sheets. Our articles will fool virtually anyone. You’ll keep these for years in scrapbooks and picture albums, you’ll send them to relatives, friends, co-workers, ex-friends and victims, and you’ll never again have so much fun for lunch money!

Humiliate Anyone You Wish. In a GOOD way, of Course.

This selection is best used to roast your victim—just sprinkle a few articles around the vic’s favorite bar, workplace, apartment, mail a few to parents and friends—then HIDE for about two years. And laugh.

The photo in this piece features a man of average build. If your subject is thinner or fatter, or female, let us know—we have a selection of body types which will approximate that of your victim.

Fake/Joke Newspaper Article Text — Copyright © 2007 TrixiePixGraphics
Security tape shows struggle between naked man and car-wash manager
Local Man Arrested Again for Indecent Exposure”I just needed a shower!” claims man after stripping down in public car wash 
Yourtown—- (NOTICE: Any names of towns, locations, people, institutions, etc., used in these sample fake newspaper stories, are purely fictional, chosen at random, and are not meant to portray or represent any real person, place or deed. Remember that no matter what name a writer chooses to use in any fictional story, there is a real person (or many persons) SOMEWHERE who have that exact name.)”It’s gotten to be a crazy world,” said Doug Moore. “I have no idea what prompted this guy to take his clothes off in my car wash. He kept saying he just wanted to take a shower. As far as I could tell he hadn’t been drinking. It didn’t seem like he was on drugs. He just wanted to take a shower in my car wash. I don’t know what else to say.”Casey Jones admitted to taking his clothes off in the car wash, and also to an altercation that took place between himself and the business manager. But, he says, there were extenuating circumstances:”I just needed a shower,” Jones complained. “There wasn’t anybody around. There weren’t any customers. So what the hell? I was going to pay the guy. But then he had to come up and put his hands on me. Now I ask you, is that a healthy situation? A guy’s all soaped up and naked in your car wash, and you think you can just walk up to him and put your hands on him? That guy’s a (expletive) pervert. His hands were slippin’ all over the place. You never know where a man’s hands are going to end up in a situation like that. Know what I mean, Vern?”The business manager has elected not to press trespass charges against Jones if Jones agrees not to press assault charges against him.”We removed the man from the premises for everyone’s good,” said officer Paul Eaton. “He was cited for public indecency, but the car wash has refused to pursue a trespass complaint. We’re quite familiar with Mr. Jones. We want to see him get some help.”Jones was cited and released after officers located his clothes under some nearby shrubbery, and he promised to keep them on, and to not trespass on the business’s property again.
See City Struggles with Increase in Deviate Behavior Page E-6

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