You know how hard it is to find a TRULY unique gift. Well, now you’ve found one. Representing some of the finest, most outrageous entertainment you’ll ever find for pocket change. You’ll receive ten (10) copies (3 copies when ordering full page format, or 2 copies of the “whole newspaper” selection). You do NOT have to supply your photo (same price either way). The backs of each article are covered in generic, unrelated text to complete the look and feel of absolute authenticity. “Pocket clippings” are printed on 36 x 36 inch pallet sheets of newsprint, then torn from the sheet to look as though they’re torn from a real newspaper—which they are! Other formats are printed life-size on individual sheets. Our articles will fool virtually anyone. You’ll keep these for years in scrapbooks and picture albums, you’ll send them to relatives, friends, co-workers, ex-friends and victims, and you’ll never again have so much fun for lunch money!
Fake/Joke Newspaper Article C-106
Happy Birthday! The Perfect Birthday Gift.
This piece is written to be pretty generic and “middle of the road”. It’s easy to modify however, and there are as many options as there are situations. In the example, your husband (or whoever) of course knows that Bush never called him. But his friends don’t know that. Not for sure. So the recipient gets mileage out of showing the page around town for years, seeing how many will bite on the story. (Most everyone will, especially if ordered in the ‘full page format’.)
But let’s say your husband hates Bush. Just tell us who you want featured, and we’ll insert an appropriate stock photo. Dole? How about Janet Reno? The Prime Minister of India? Russia’s Putin? Director of the CIA?
Maybe you have a teenager with a birthday coming up—make it Britney Spears!
Or do you really want to ‘get’ your victim? Then have us say that you paid Britney Spears to call the birthday boy (or maybe you paid the Beastie Boys to call the birthday girl). But of all the rotten luck, your son/daughter WASN’T HOME WHEN THEY CALLED! (Keep ’em on suicide watch for about a week after this).
There’s no end to the twists and convolutions this piece can be adapted for. Just give it about four minutes of thought, then tell us what to do. If you’re tired of ho-hum birthday gifts, this will liven things up. The best gifts are the ones that are remembered.
|Fake/Joke Newspaper Article Text — Copyright © 2007 TrixiePixGraphics|
|Bush in Oval OfficeBush Calls to Wish Local Man Happy BirthdayPrez Takes Time to Remember Old Friends|
Yourtown—- (NOTICE: Any names of towns, locations, people, institutions, etc., used in these sample fake newspaper stories, are purely fictional, chosen at random, and are not meant to portray or represent any real person, place or deed. Remember that no matter what name a writer chooses to use in any fictional story, there is a real person (or many persons) SOMEWHERE who have that exact name.)President George W. Bush took time out from a busy schedule on Sunday to call up an old friend—–just to say “Happy Birthday”.Local resident Casey Jones, who was 49 on Sunday, was glad to hear from his old grade school pal. “I haven’t seen George for many years,” said Jones. “But I think of him a lot. We were best buddies in 5th grade. He got me out of some jams—–got me into some too!”The Prez says he’ll always remember Casey Jones as a good an honest friend. “I can’t possibly find the time to call everyone I’ve ever known on their birthdays,” says Bush. “But there are some people in your life you just have to make the time for.”Jones said he’d like to one day meet with Bush after so many years, ‘just for a cup of coffee and to shoot the breeze’. Bush expressed the same desire, saying, “You just never know what the cat might drag up onto Casey’s porch one of these days.”See ’Old Friends; Good Friends’ D-5
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