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You know how hard it is to find a TRULY unique gift. Well, now you've found one. Representing some of the finest, most outrageous entertainment you'll ever find for pocket change. You'll receive ten (10) copies (3 copies when ordering full page format, or 2 copies of the "whole newspaper" selection). You do NOT have to supply your photo (same price either way). The backs of each article are covered in generic, unrelated text to complete the look and feel of absolute authenticity. "Pocket clippings" are printed on 36 x 36 inch pallet sheets of newsprint, then torn from the sheet to look as though they're torn from a real newspaper---which they are! Other formats are printed life-size on individual sheets. Our articles will fool virtually anyone. You'll keep these for years in scrapbooks and picture albums, you'll send them to relatives, friends, co-workers, ex-friends and victims, and you'll never again have so much fun for lunch money!
Fake/Joke Newspaper Article C-105
You Got a Beer Bottle Stuck WHERE?
Your friend got a beer bottle stuck in his butt? Hey! It happens!
Fake/Joke Newspaper Article Text -- Copyright © 2007 TrixiePixGraphics X-Ray shows predicament
Local Man Suffers More Embarrassment than Injury
"I don't usually do things like this," says patient.
Yourtown---- (NOTICE: Any names of towns, locations, people, institutions, etc., used in these sample fake newspaper stories, are purely fictional, chosen at random, and are not meant to portray or represent any real person, place or deed. Remember that no matter what name a writer chooses to use in any fictional story, there is a real person (or many persons) SOMEWHERE who have that exact name.)
A local man, Casey Jones, was admitted to Harborview Hospital in Seattle over the weekend complaining of "rectal pain".
"He came in with a blanket draped around him and walking 'real funny'," said a hospital nurse who asked not to be identified. "We didn't know what we were dealing with until--- until we got the blanket off of him. He didn't want to give it up, either," the nurse laughed.
Jones said he was at a party "just horsing around with friends, you know." One thing led to another, and before Jones realized it, he had a problem.
"We tried everything," said Jones. "It just wouldn't come out. At one point some of the guys got kind of rough. They were afraid they might have to call 911, and no one wanted to do that. So they started trying all sorts of stuff to get it out. That's when the top of the bottle broke off. That part really sucked."
"We put duct tape over the broken end of the bottle," Jones continued. "But still, no one could get it out. They all pulled and pulled. They seemed like good guys at the time. They worked on it for, oh, a couple of hours. Finally there was nothing left but to come on in [to the ER]."
Jones's friends put him in the back seat of a car, face down, and drove him to the hospital. They helped him out of the car at the ER entrance, and got the blanket around him.
"They helped me figure out how to walk. They pointed me at the doors. Then they ran like hell. They're all a bunch of bastards."
The wine bottle was successfully extracted from the patient around 3:00 a.m. He received an undisclosed number of sutures in an undisclosed location, and was sent home in a taxi.
Said one nurse, "We offered to bag up the bottle for him in case he wanted it as a souvenir, but he said that was in 'the poorest possible taste', and he stomped out. Imagine that."
Seattle PD says it has no evidence that any crime was committed, so it will not become involved in the incident.
See 'Just Old and Smelly...' Page A-11
Personalize and SUBMIT the form.
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To make corrections please submit a new form. Once
your new form has been submitted, you're done. DO NOT
go through the payment process again unless to wish to
pay for and receive additional newspapers.
To create your own story from scratch,
using your own main image, please
click HERE instead of using this form.
Volume Discounts are available during checkout
Whole Size $39.95, (Whole Newspaper With Headline), 23x27 inches, 2 identical copies
Whole Size $87.50, (Whole Newspaper With Headline), 23x27 inches, 5 identical copies
Whole Size $199.00, (Whole Newspaper With Headline), 23x27 inches, 12 identical copies
Whole Size $600.00, (Whole Newspaper With Headline), 23x27 inches, 50 identical copies
Small Pocket Clippings $17.95, No headline, 6x9 inches, identical 10 copies
Small Pocket Clippings $45.00, No headline, 6x9 inches, 30 identical copies
Full Page $24.95, (half sheet), No Headline, 13x23 inches, 4 identical copies
Full Page $67.85, (half sheet), No Headline, 13x23 inches, 8 identical copies
Full Page $146.95, (half sheet), No Headline, 13x23 inches, 21 identical copies
Poster Size $49.95, With Headline, 42x75 inches, 1 copy
Poster Size $217.95, With Headline, 42x75 inches, 5 identical copies
Tabloid Size $29.95, With Headline, 13x21 inches, 4 identical copies
For "Bulk" Advertising Fake News Clips, Go Here
Or....choose from three OTHER options:
Write your own story in your own words and upload any pictures you like (or none at all).
Create your own complete newspaper page using the page-layout software of your
choice, then upload that page to us and we'll modify it to print as a newspaper.
Many fake newspaper stories/articles are available as a pre-written selection which
cannot be modified to suit. More are added almost daily. We have a HUGE backlog
of archived and unfinished stories (many hundreds).
Whole Size is a two-sheet, eight-page WHOLE newspaper WITH HEADLINE
Poster Size is HUGE, printed on stiffer poster stock; one page WITH HEADLINE
Small Size is SMALL -- roughly a 6 x 9 inch "Pocket Clipping" with NO HEADLINE
Tabloid is tabloid sized, smaller than the Enquirer; one sheet, two pages each WITH HEADLINE
Full size is one full page, NOT one full SHEET; it's an INSIDE half-sheet page with NO HEADLINE
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