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Personalized Fake and Joke Newspapers and Personalized Newspapers and Personalized Headlines for Gags and Gifts, Birthdays, Movies and Plays, Advertising, Publicity Stunts, Baby Showers, Wedding Showers, Stag Parties, Corporate Recognition, Awards, Thank You's, Revenge, Make a Point, Birth and Death Announcements, Wedding and Marriage Announcements, Practical Jokes, Cerebral Terrorism, Personalized Birthday Gags, Gifts. Fake Newspapers available in Small (pocket clipping) size, Full single page, Whole newspaper, Giant Poster, and Tabloid (by special request)



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Weird Emails We Receive

We receive weird-arse emails from all over the world.

They're mostly nonsense, but occasionally there's a keeper.


The Real Meaning of Women's Personal Ads.

Strong woman -- Bitch with a severe case of self entitlement.

Curvy woman - She's at least a size 16, more likely a size 20+

Classy -- Bitchy 45 year old real estate agent type.

Seeking gentleman -- Looking for rich guy who isn't interested in sex.

World traveler -- would love to go to Europe as long as you're paying for it.

Intelligent -- She isn't but thinks she is, and you'd better entertain her.

Your picture gets mine - On a COLD day in Hell.

I'm a big woman -- I'm a FAT woman.maybe a GROSSLY FAT woman.

Rubenesque -- FAT

Solid -- FAT

Sarcastic -- Bought into the whole Gen X irony thing, and is really a miserable bore to hang out with.

Make me laugh -- You're expected to be HIGHTLY entertaining right away.

Sick of bar scene -- She doesn't get hit on at bars due to one or more physical flaws.

Friends first -- Reformed slut

Tired of games/jerks -- I fucked and sucked my way through fifteen counties, but now I want a docile schmuck to pay my bills, and not pester me for sex.

Shapely -- Fat

BBW -- Grossly, morbidly obese (Bring Burgers)

Must like kids -- I want a putz who will break his ass paying for another man's cast off progeny.

Loves the Outdoors -- Closet Lesbo

Loves Snuggling and Warm Fires -- No Sex

Enjoys Traveling -- You're paying, right!?

Fun Loving -- As long as you pay

Meaningful Relationship -- You'll do as I say

Nurturing -- Smothering

Sassy -- Insufferable by the third date.

Bitchy -- Insufferable on the first date.

Bubbly -- All fuckin happy all the damn time to the point of annoying.

No games! -- I won't put up with your games, but I will gladly infuriate you with mine.

* Eccentric or quirky -- Psycho...

Grown up man -- Sucker willing to marry and support my lazy fat ass.

Financially Secure -- You should definitely own about 200,000 shares of MicroSoft

Spiritual -- delusional, and DEFFINITELY not into a physical relationship with any man. All in all, a ROYAL pain in the ass.

Tired of kissing frogs -- my lack of good judgment is just APPALLING.

Imaginative -- can spend your money in more ways than you can imagine

Artsy -- impoverished and delusional

Misunderstood -- crazy as a can be

Creative -- See Imaginative

Casual -- looks like a slob, lives like a slob, and needs some dumbass man to get me a house keeper

Thick -- grossly fat but not as grossly as a BBW

On a voyage of self discovery -- just discovered masturbation

Free Spirit -- once gave it away, but now you must pay

Compassionate -- I've kissed too many frogs

Own my own business -- unemployed, or a hooker

Professional -- a hooker, or works in a nail salon

Driven -- irrationally angry, psycho middle aged real estate bitch

Works Hard -- no time for any man

Light Drinker -- alcoholic

You should be financially secure -- I'm not, but I won't fuck anyone who makes less than $100,000 a year

420 friendly -- drug addict

no drugs -- still in rehab

420 Friendly -- You had better be able to afford my drug habit

non-smoker -- smokers need not apply

Likes to have fun -- gets drunk or stoned a lot . Poverty stricken.
You pay for all fun. Don't forget to pay the baby sitter!

Loves life -- has attempted suicide in the past

Wants commitment (LTR) -- rent is due

Not clingy -- rent is due, but still wants to fuck the unemployed young stud down the hall

I won't be available long -- I'm off my third divorce, and can't wait for the next sucker

Wants someone to cherish -- self obsessed

I have my own money -- receives alimony or child care payments

Don't need a guy to take care of me -- receives alimony or child care payments

I can pay my way -- receives alimony or child care payments

Any normal guys left out there? -- I wouldn't know a good guy if I was nose to nose with one.

I'm 49 years old -- actually I'm just "holding" at 49. I'm actually 57, but when you meet me you'd swear I'm 67

Looks Don't Matter -- I look like a Warthog, so your looks don't matter to me.

Seeking a Godly man -- If you go to church you can lie to me all you want. It's OK

Black men only need apply -- I can't find the King County Correctional Facility. Can you give me directions?

Words to the effect that she has a BOAT LOAD of friends - And not a one of them will touch her with a 10 foot pole..

I'm a Christian woman -- You'll NEVER get into my panties

I'm a Vivacious 51 year old blonde - First, I'm NOT 51, try 59. And, "Vivacious" is in the eye of the beholder. You'll probably think "Plump".

I love concerts, theater, nightlife, and fine dinning -- Your wallet had better overflow with greenbacks. When we get home I'll be too pooped to fuck.

I'm a fat chick -- Actually, I'm a GROSSLY FAT chick. You can take me out to McDonalds and I won't complain too much.

I'm emotionally honest -- I haven't been laid in a decade. All men are brutish assholes whose only emotion flows from their dick.

I love learning about myself -- I am EXTREMELY self centered, and if you ever get to fuck me it ABSOLUTELY won't be worth the hassle. (also see spiritual)

Now looking for "True Love" -- all that fucking around didn't work out so well, so now I want just one smuck to milk. It's still all about me, me, me.

I'm not grossly obese -- In my own eyes, but to your eyes make that one GROSSA MOMA!!

I'd say I'm a darn good catch -- Yea.I don't know why I've been rejected by everyone I know, but I'm hoping you're blind, and not so smart.

I have lots of friends - And not one would touch me with a ten foot pole.

My friends tell me I'm too picky -- heck, I only weigh 200 pounds and want a guy with Brad Pitt's looks and money. THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME TOO PICKY! So say I.

I'm ready for my "true" love - This time I want to hook up with a guy who has LOTS OF MONEY!

Is there a good man out there? -- Is there a guy out there dopy enough to fund all my desires, and, of course, my 4 kids too?