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Weird Emails We Receive

We receive weird-arse emails from all over the world.

They're mostly nonsense, but occasionally there's a keeper.

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The Real Meaning of Women's Personal Ads.

Strong woman -- Bitch with a severe case of self entitlement.

Curvy woman - She's at least a size 16, more likely a size 20+

Classy -- Bitchy 45 year old real estate agent type.

Seeking gentleman -- Looking for rich guy who isn't interested in sex.

World traveler -- would love to go to Europe as long as you're paying for it.

Intelligent -- She isn't but thinks she is, and you'd better entertain her.

Your picture gets mine - On a COLD day in Hell.

I'm a big woman -- I'm a FAT woman.maybe a GROSSLY FAT woman.

Rubenesque -- FAT

Solid -- FAT

Sarcastic -- Bought into the whole Gen X irony thing, and is really a miserable bore to hang out with.

Make me laugh -- You're expected to be HIGHTLY entertaining right away.

Sick of bar scene -- She doesn't get hit on at bars due to one or more physical flaws.

Friends first -- Reformed slut

Tired of games/jerks -- I fucked and sucked my way through fifteen counties, but now I want a docile schmuck to pay my bills, and not pester me for sex.

Shapely -- Fat

BBW -- Grossly, morbidly obese (Bring Burgers)

Must like kids -- I want a putz who will break his ass paying for another man's cast off progeny.

Loves the Outdoors -- Closet Lesbo

Loves Snuggling and Warm Fires -- No Sex

Enjoys Traveling -- You're paying, right!?

Fun Loving -- As long as you pay

Meaningful Relationship -- You'll do as I say

Nurturing -- Smothering

Sassy -- Insufferable by the third date.

Bitchy -- Insufferable on the first date.

Bubbly -- All fuckin happy all the damn time to the point of annoying.

No games! -- I won't put up with your games, but I will gladly infuriate you with mine.

* Eccentric or quirky -- Psycho...

Grown up man -- Sucker willing to marry and support my lazy fat ass.

Financially Secure -- You should definitely own about 200,000 shares of MicroSoft

Spiritual -- delusional, and DEFFINITELY not into a physical relationship with any man. All in all, a ROYAL pain in the ass.

Tired of kissing frogs -- my lack of good judgment is just APPALLING.

Imaginative -- can spend your money in more ways than you can imagine

Artsy -- impoverished and delusional

Misunderstood -- crazy as a can be

Creative -- See Imaginative

Casual -- looks like a slob, lives like a slob, and needs some dumbass man to get me a house keeper

Thick -- grossly fat but not as grossly as a BBW

On a voyage of self discovery -- just discovered masturbation

Free Spirit -- once gave it away, but now you must pay

Compassionate -- I've kissed too many frogs

Own my own business -- unemployed, or a hooker

Professional -- a hooker, or works in a nail salon

Driven -- irrationally angry, psycho middle aged real estate bitch

Works Hard -- no time for any man

Light Drinker -- alcoholic

You should be financially secure -- I'm not, but I won't fuck anyone who makes less than $100,000 a year

420 friendly -- drug addict

no drugs -- still in rehab

420 Friendly -- You had better be able to afford my drug habit

non-smoker -- smokers need not apply

Likes to have fun -- gets drunk or stoned a lot . Poverty stricken.
You pay for all fun. Don't forget to pay the baby sitter!

Loves life -- has attempted suicide in the past

Wants commitment (LTR) -- rent is due

Not clingy -- rent is due, but still wants to fuck the unemployed young stud down the hall

I won't be available long -- I'm off my third divorce, and can't wait for the next sucker

Wants someone to cherish -- self obsessed

I have my own money -- receives alimony or child care payments

Don't need a guy to take care of me -- receives alimony or child care payments

I can pay my way -- receives alimony or child care payments

Any normal guys left out there? -- I wouldn't know a good guy if I was nose to nose with one.

I'm 49 years old -- actually I'm just "holding" at 49. I'm actually 57, but when you meet me you'd swear I'm 67

Looks Don't Matter -- I look like a Warthog, so your looks don't matter to me.

Seeking a Godly man -- If you go to church you can lie to me all you want. It's OK

Black men only need apply -- I can't find the King County Correctional Facility. Can you give me directions?

Words to the effect that she has a BOAT LOAD of friends - And not a one of them will touch her with a 10 foot pole..

I'm a Christian woman -- You'll NEVER get into my panties

I'm a Vivacious 51 year old blonde - First, I'm NOT 51, try 59. And, "Vivacious" is in the eye of the beholder. You'll probably think "Plump".

I love concerts, theater, nightlife, and fine dinning -- Your wallet had better overflow with greenbacks. When we get home I'll be too pooped to fuck.

I'm a fat chick -- Actually, I'm a GROSSLY FAT chick. You can take me out to McDonalds and I won't complain too much.

I'm emotionally honest -- I haven't been laid in a decade. All men are brutish assholes whose only emotion flows from their dick.

I love learning about myself -- I am EXTREMELY self centered, and if you ever get to fuck me it ABSOLUTELY won't be worth the hassle. (also see spiritual)

Now looking for "True Love" -- all that fucking around didn't work out so well, so now I want just one smuck to milk. It's still all about me, me, me.

I'm not grossly obese -- In my own eyes, but to your eyes make that one GROSSA MOMA!!

I'd say I'm a darn good catch -- Yea.I don't know why I've been rejected by everyone I know, but I'm hoping you're blind, and not so smart.

I have lots of friends - And not one would touch me with a ten foot pole.

My friends tell me I'm too picky -- heck, I only weigh 200 pounds and want a guy with Brad Pitt's looks and money. THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME TOO PICKY! So say I.

I'm ready for my "true" love - This time I want to hook up with a guy who has LOTS OF MONEY!

Is there a good man out there? -- Is there a guy out there dopy enough to fund all my desires, and, of course, my 4 kids too?